At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
