East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
