I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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