you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize