im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
