i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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