Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
