I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
