I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
