Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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