pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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