I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
