Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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