We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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