so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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