I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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