I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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