I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
