ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
