I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
