fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
