I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
