I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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