are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
