My sheets look like a crime scene.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
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