I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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