I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
