Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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