I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
