Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
