So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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