I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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