I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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