i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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