fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
