So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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