i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
