That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
