Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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