I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
