Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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