I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Drunk is not a location!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
