At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize