he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
