Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
