so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
