What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
