I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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