you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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