I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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