dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
