Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
