my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
