Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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