Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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