I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
