I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
