It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
