you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize