come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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