I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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