Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
