why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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