Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
