he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
