Please, let me fuck your mom
Sober January is a disaster.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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