did you get engaged???
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want nice things and good sex
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
