Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
it's like heaven, but drunker
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
