So drunk, too bad you don't want this
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize