I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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