i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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