someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
