I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
