I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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