Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize