If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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