3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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