That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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