How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
