Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
