my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
