so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
