ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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