i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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