U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize