Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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