It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
