i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
