i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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