I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Randomize